breastfeeding and me

I have this love-hate relationship with breastfeeding.

How do I explain?

I love the closeness and bonding with baby. But I hate being tied down.

I love the satisfied, contented look on her face. But I dread the endless nights of broken sleep.

When I feed baby, I sometimes feel robbed of time with Joseph.

When I don't feed her, I feel inadequate.

da milk guzzler

With Joseph, it was all just Joe. He weaned himself at 8months at that was the end of my breastfeeding journey with him.

This time around with Joy-Anne, it's just different. She seems to want to drink more, and sleep less compared to Joe. So when I'm at home, she's stuck to me almost all the time. I can't take Joe to the playground, or swimming, or do art and craft with him. Needless to say, there's no such thing as "me-time".

I feel so trapped. Feeding Joy-Anne seems to threaten my closeness with Joe. He reacts by telling me "Mama...play with me. I need you to be my friend!". When I'm going out to work, he says, "NO mama! Don't go out!". I can't help but sometimes feel resentfully frustrated towards my innocent baby who's now starting to smile and laugh a lot. Then I feel guilty.

Weekend in Cameron Highlands

We spent the weekend up in Cameron Highlands at the OMF Bungalow (only RM85 per person per day for great accomodation with 3 great meals included). This was our 2nd time there and like the first time, it was just lovely. The whole place makes you feel so relaxed and serene.

As soon as we arrived, Joe immediately ran into the garden and started playing. It was just great to be outdoors, breathing fresh cool mountain air.

I think of us all, Joe enjoyed the most. Here he is trying out the tricycle.

Enjoying a strawberry ice stick that his daddy gladly bought for him. Joy-Anne looks like she wants some too.

At the Tanah Rata playground. Don't I look cool?

Taking a break....2 kids drinking milk in the garden.

Joy-Anne holding on tight to the chair...

This is the only photo that has all of us...because Joe is rather anti-camera these days.


I had to bluff him to get this candid shot. That smile is so priceless!
Yeah...I enjoyed myself!

What's Joy-Anne is up to now...

Happy and smiley after a bath... coz I'm all clean and fresh.
This is mama's apple...oops...it's supposed to go in my mouth, not my eye.
Hmm....mama says I'm not old enough to be tasting this....but it sure looks yummy.

Escape from the net

I took these photos last month. Joy-Anne was just 3 months old and already wriggling all over the place.

Let me out! Let me out!

Heh! heh!

Gimme some more time....I can do it!

Happy Mother's Day!

We spent Mother's Day at The Curve/Ikea/Tesco with Reuben and Joanne.

My Ah Ku, the clown.

Ah Ku, Joanne & Joy-Anne

Reuben and his women...

Joe wanted ice-cream!

..and then didn't want to smile!

Revenge of the sleeping Joe

For some reason we will never understand, kids always like to sleep in their parents bed. My mother-in-law tells me that when Edwin was a kid, he liked to sleep in between his parents on their bed. Like father, like son...Joe is doing the same thing to us now.

I want mama

When we first got his new bed, he liked it so much. He called it his cosy bed. Now, he says, "my bed is no more cosy. I like your bed".

He knows the difference between a single bed and a double bed. And we taught him that double bed is for husband and wife. He then told me, "Ya....but husband and wife can share with me".

me : Joe, double bed is for how many people to sleep in?

Joe : errmmm....2 people.

me : So who are the 2 people?

Joe : mama and Joe Joe.

me : Then where will papa sleep?

Joe : I don't know!

So after he falls asleep in our bed, Edwin will carry him back to his bed. Some nights he will struggle and crawl back to snuggle up to me and Edwin ends up on Joe's cosy bed. On other nights, he will wake in the middle of the night and scream, "MAMA....COME!!!" Two nights ago, he got up at about 2am, grabbed his Barney bolster and came to our room, jumped in between us and went back to sleep.

He's also been quite clingy the last few days. Going to work is so heartbreaking for me. When I hug him to say good bye, he will say, "But play with me..... I need you to be my friend. Mama, come back!!!"

Sigh....wish I could quit working.

I ain't fat. I'm post-partum.

So we were back in Seremban on Sunday to stay over because we wanted to go to the safari early on Monday morning. On Sunday evening, a few of my in-law's friends came over for tea and chat about their new camera. This old, I mean elderly aunty took one look at me and said, "You look fairer ah...". "Really?", I replied. And then she said, "Yah....and fatter too".

Trying to be polite, I smiled at her and kept quiet.

It's never polite to call someone fat. Even if you think someone is fat, you don't say it to their face. Nope, the 3-letter word is a no-no. Especially more so if someone is actually post-natal. More tactful words would be chubby or prosperous-looking.

I mean....of course I'm fatter. It took 9 months to pile on all that weight. And unless I stop breastfeeding and start intense dieting and working out with a personal trainer a la Hollywood, it's gonna take a while before I get back in shape. In the mean time, I'll stay in this shape. Round is a shape.

Joe and the animals

We made a trip to A'Famosa Animal World Safari this morning. It rained at 7am plus but by the time we got there, the weather was just perfect. It was quite an educational outing for Joe.

Just past the entrance, we were greeted by a few elephants, a tiger and some colourful parrots. What irked me was that they disallowed personal cameras so that they could sell us the photos taken by them for RM15 per piece. What a rip off! Of course I ignored them.

The elephant show was the first of a few shows we watched. These elephants are a rather talented lot. They could stand on 2 legs, play basketball, paint, play football and even hoist a flag.

The elephant keepers were also selling sugar cane (3 pieces for RM2) for visitors to feed to the elephant. Joe's idea of feeding the elephant was to drop the sugar cane on to the floor for the elephant to pick up.

After the elephant show, we went on the safari truck ride a.k.a the jeepney ride to Joe. He saw a similar truck on Playhouse Disney Channel and had been talking about going on a jeepney ride to see animals. So this was the highlight of the day for him.

We came pretty close to the animals on the bumpy safari truck ride.

Done with the ride, we strolled through a walk-thru area where we saw flamingos, storks, otters, racoons, a tapir, turkeys, peacocks, monkeys etc.

Then we went to see the multi-animal show featuring orang utans playing golf and doing sommersaults and other stunts by otters and cats.

Next up was the bird show. These parrots could pick up rubbish, step on the pedal to lift the lid and throw the rubbish inside.

By then it was about 12.3opm and we went to the local food court for our lunch which was included in the entrance price. Nothing great to shout about. The yee mee had wayyyyy too much MSG. The chicken from the chicken rice that Edwin had was rock-hard.

We strolled back towards the exit, stopping by the chicken farm which was air-conditioned.

Ho-mia chickens...live in air-conditioned environment. Joe quite enjoyed seeing so many baby chicks running in the enclosure. Even Joy-Anne enjoyed the chickens.

All in, it was a tiring but enjoyable outing.

Lost in church

Joe got 'lost' yesterday. Twice.

He went to Children's Church with Edwin and my mum. While my mum attended the leaders' briefing, Edwin fed Joe lunch in the foyer. After that Edwin took Joe upstairs to Hall 1. Joe wanted to hold on to one end of the umbrella while Edwin held the other as they walked. Like a choo-choo-train he said. But when they reached Hall1, Joe let go of the umbrella and while Edwin still had his eye on Joe, Joe couldn't see Edwin for a split second. He started to panic and cried.

A cuddle later, he calmed down.

Later, after children's church, Edwin left Joe with my mum while he came home to fetch me to go back for celebration. My mum was still busy talking to the children in her cell when Joe decided to run around. Again, he lost sight of my mum and started to panic.

Moments later, he found her and was crying his heart out.

Much later, I had a chat with him...

Me : Joe, what happened just now? Did you get lost? You cried?

Joe : Ya.... I couldn't find Nana. So I call Jesus. Then I think...hmm....is that Nana in the yellow shirt. Let's check it out. Oh ya....it's Nana!

I was just so amazed at what he said. Glad my mum taught him well.

Everyday should be Mother's Day

This morning a special delivery came for my mum.

Indeed, everyday should be Mother's Day.

Danny is my soon-to-be brother-in-law.
Everything I know about mothering, I learnt it from my mum. She's still teaching. I'm still learning.

I thank God that at 61, my mum is still strong, healthy and attractive!

She has a 28-inch waist and looks good in most clothes.

Good genes passed down...