One month old - Non-fat milk or not enough milk

Isabel is one month old...tomorrow! She's grown. Not as much as I hoped and wish but she's grown.

I estimate she's just 3.6kg at one month old (3.025kg at birth). Her head circumferance has increased from 33cm to 36cm. Length-wise, she's 55cm compared to 48.5cm at birth.

And she did all this growing on MY milk!!! But she ain't chubby... unlike some breastfed babies I know. Like her older siblings, she's lean. They all are when breastfed...like kampung chickens. My mum says I produce non-fat milk. That's why breastfeeding is such an emotional struggle for me.

Did I mention I have this love-hate feeling with breastfeeding?

I love how baby cuddles up to me. I guess it's God's way of making mummies hold their babies more so that baby gets the hugs and cuddles they need to thrive. It's good bonding time!

But if you know my babies, they take a really really long time to feed!!! They feed and then they fall asleep so I keep my boob. But once they realize their mouth is empty, they want the breast again.

They don't sleep for long periods either. At least not on their own. They can sleep 3hours in my arms but awake the moment I put them down.

They also want to be carried all the time. I realize now that this is normal for all babies. They love the warmth and coziness of being cuddled.

When they do sleep, I wonder if ...
A. they sleep because there's no milk to drink or
B. they sleep because they are actually full.

And when they take so long to feed, is it because...
A. they are waiting for the 'let down' for milk to flow or
B. they just like having the nipple iin their mouth

Consequently, baby is either stuck to my breast or in my arms at least 20 hours a day! Nah..I don't think I'm exaggerating.

I feel so trapped.

I eat in a hurry, poo in a hurry, shower in a hurry. I don't even have time to look in the mirror because baby will be crying and looking for my breast!

Thus far, the older kids have been great. They understand that I can't do as much with them for now. Joy in particular is still trying to adjust. She loves her baby sister but when it comes to bedtime, she wants mummy all to herself. She wants me to lie down with her and hug her till she falls asleep, which is what she's used to before Isabel arrived.

In spite of all the above, I'm thankful. This 'hardship' will pass. Soon. Though time seems to crawl by for now.

I'm thankful for perfectly healthy babies.