a blink, a heartbeat, a life we call Sam

Sometime between the late night hours of Sunday 11th March 2007 and 8am on 12th March, Sam's heart stopped beating. We know he has gone to be with Jesus. And though we are saddened, we are comforted knowing that God in His great mercy has allowed this to happen to spare us from greater heartaches.

On Saturday 10th February 2007, we saw a very faint 2nd pink line on the home urine pregnancy test. A blood test later confirmed pregnancy. We were naturally delighted to be expecting a 2nd child. Things were great. I had absolutely no morning sickness and hardly any symptoms apart from the perpetual hunger and fatigue.

Exactly a month later on 10th March 2007, I experienced some very light spotting. The next evening, the spotting increased. We went to the A&E at University Hospital (UH) where a scan showed a tiny fetus with a heartbeat. However, the fetus was small for date. I saw the blinking spot and felt assured.

The next morning I noticed the bleeding had become thicker and darker. It wasn’t yet 7am and my mum had just gone back to Penang the night before. I called Sook Vui (my 8th floor neighbour and doctor friend) and she took me to UH while Edwin stayed home with Joseph who was still sleeping. At UH, another scan was done. This time, there was no fetal heartbeat. But the doctor wasn’t absolutely sure so we were told to wait 2 weeks to go back for another scan.

That evening, we decided to see Prof Raman, a well-known fetal medicine specialist. He did a scan and immediately saw that there was no fetal heartbeat. What was left was a crumpled sac around the small fetus. He also explained that it was most likely that the fetus had some abnormality whether structural or genetic. A D&C was scheduled for early the next morning.

At 7am on Tuesday 13th March 2007, I admitted myself to the DayCare Unit of Pantai Medical Center. The entire procedure was very pleasant compared to my experience at HKL 2 years ago. By 11am I was home. It was a very painless experience.

I never thought I would have a miscarriage. It’s one of those things that you often hear happens to this friend and that friend of a friend.

Sam was a mere 9.8mm long. But he (we don’t really know if Sam is a he or she) was a life. We have decided to give this life a name – Sam, short for either Samuel or the female version of Samantha. Samuel means “God hears”. God heard our prayers for a 2nd child. But God also heard our prayers for a happy healthy normal child. I guess He knows us and He knows just how much we can handle. So we give Sam back to God knowing and trusting full well that His plans are perfect and His timing is perfect. He knows just what’s best for us. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.